I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
