Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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