DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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