Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
