I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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