I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I just went to clothing optional bar
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
