Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
