Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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