Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
