We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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