Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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