I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
