Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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