Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
