Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
