Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I could make wine with my vomit
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
