why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
