am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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