Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
