For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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