god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
