i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
