She is in my trunk
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We are all done wearing pants today
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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