Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
