You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
