He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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