Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
