He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't turn off my feet"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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