I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
