To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
