If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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