His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dicks are not precious.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
