You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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