Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
