I love black thongs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need water and some morals
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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