I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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