the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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