Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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