i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
