I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
