I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the liver wants what the liver wants
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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