I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
