After last night, I could never be a politician.
the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
