fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
