well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
