toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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