I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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