You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
