All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
