Please, let me fuck your mom
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
