I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
