Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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