I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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