Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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