she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
