and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
