Pappa wants mamma naked
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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