I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
