i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
