her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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