It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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